I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
