Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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