TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
