the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
