When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
