4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
