dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
