Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
