Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
