dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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