3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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