i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
