im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
