i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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