Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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