The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
