dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
