if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
