Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
