I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
