Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
