I am in a vortex of obligation.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
