if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
