Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
