Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
