it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
