She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
