I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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