I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
