theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
