Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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