I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
