I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If I die, sorry about rent.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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