I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
