She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
