Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
