she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
