just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
