my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
