I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
