so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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