Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
