I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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