I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
