Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
