it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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