I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
