my shit smells like andre
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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