Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
