Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
