Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Vodka?
Forever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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