Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
