Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You made out with two different species that night
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
